Spotlight

#7 Positive experiences in housing

For this Spotlight, we asked members of our Neurodivergent Advisory Group about the positive experiences they have had in housing. They share the people and things they counted on for support, their experiences moving and living, and what they have done to make their housing neuroinclusive. We present their responses as quoted.

We hope their experiences help you reflect on neuroinclusive housing and give you inspiration for your own housing, advocacy, and role in the housing ecosystem.

In finding and moving into housing, which is often a difficult experience for Autistic and neurodivergent folx, committee members recalled positive experiences.

I really enjoyed setting up a place that worked for me. Growing up there were a lot of ‘shoulds’ and external expectations; or experiences with roommates which meant choices made based on others needs. It was nice to be in control of my space. Again, there was no rush to move all on one day which meant it wasn’t too stressful or overwhelming; I didn’t have to walk over boxes or unpack all at once. I could take time to think about where things should go to work for me. This slow move in also meant I could rely on family and friends and not have to deal with hiring a truck or dealing with strangers. My friends wouldn’t mind if I pondered where a box should go but a professional may have less patience.

I transitioned to my current space after being houseless for almost a year – just the act of moving in and having space and hope was a positive experience at that time.

Finding housing was a positive experience, when I asked my landlord how much we can decorate and renovate, and him saying he was open to any sort of recommendations we might have and is willing to negotiate physical adjustments.

I really enjoyed looking at houses. I had been living with family prior to moving into my current place so I didn’t have to rush and I could really judge whether a place would fit me. I didn’t have too much pressure which made it more enjoyable. It was also my first place on my own and I could enjoy that sense of adulthood and freedom.

Having a clear and mostly transparent process [finding housing] was helpful. Especially considering the growing difficulty of finding suitable housing, this has become something that is not always assured.

Clear rules and space afforded to the parking of a moving van did a lot to reduce my anxiety that I was doing something wrong, or angering my future neighbours. Also having a concierge available to answer questions was nice!

Making the space neuroinclusive

I painted my room a bright peach colour just because it brings Autistic joy
I added bubble wrap to the windows so the house stays warm even when I forget to close the curtains at night
I did an inventory of all the items and planned each drawer to fit those items and put the drawers where they would make for the most efficiency (when I redid my kitchen)

I removed my dining room table and put a gymnastics bar because it gets more use
I have a designated sensory room
I have a sensory swing on each floor

I have tape on my counter to outline parts of meals and where lunch boxes go to ensure I make complete meals
I have labels and bins in my fridge and I have condiments in drawers and perishables on the door
I have visuals by the front door to ensure we leave with everything

I have hooks instead of hangers at the front door as they reduce executive functioning demand
I have dimmers on most lights in the home; or alternative sensory lights
I have fidget bins on each floor

I have hampers on each floor so I can dress my kids wherever we are and don’t have add extra steps to a routine
I have heated blankets, a towel warmer, and heating pads in duplicate
I have lights connected to my phone so I don’t have to get up another time

I have office supplies in my kitchen as I prefer to work standing and it has the most natural light
I have learning towers for the kids (so they aren’t seated on me) and we eat at the counter
I have multiple calendars and schedules for cleaning, events, foods in the house, meal planning, etc.

My home is constantly shifting and evolving to meet my needs – or the kids needs. I think this fluidity and responsiveness is part of what makes it neuroinclusive.

Had intentional discussions about needs with housemates & potential housemates

Opted for space with doors, to help cut down sound travel

Purchased carpets and carpet underlays to reduce sound from downstairs neighbours

Requested some neighbours to use high-density vinyl to cut down on noises

Use a white noise machine

Tried (and in most cases failed) having conversations with neighbours around sound sensitivity, cognitive impacts, and needs/requests

Over time, have used things like earplug, construction headphones, and active noise cancelling headphones to reduce or eliminate external sounds

Created open storage spaces for items to be grouped together so they would be easy to find while still being organized.

I made it my own.

Decorated, added soft things, cleaned excessively, separated and added designated spaces for myself and my roommate to feel safe, etc.

Who do members rely on to make their housing neuroinclusive?

Housemates and Roommates

The person I live with is understanding [of my needs], and we have intentionally negotiated space and noise and noise reduction. This agreement is probably the biggest thing I rely on.

I’m grateful to be living where I do with an autistic roommate who understands my need for privacy and solace. My autistic roommate makes my space neuroinclusive in that we can always check in with each other on our access needs. We’ve known each other for a long time, which helps keep both of us in check.

My housemates and partners have helped try to have conversations with neighbours, and some neighbours have shown a willingness to respect requests around noise.

My roommate. We talk often about our changing needs and our space requirements. It is an ongoing conversation that shifts and mutates as the years go by

Community

Community has helped fund the purchase of expensive items, such as large carpets or noise headphones.

Landlord

I have a landlord with a more “hands-off” approach to our agreement, and we only see him once something needs fixing. This helps a lot in that we don’t always have to be masking all the time.

Family

I rely on my parents, who allow me to maintain a decent quality of life even when I am feeling overburdened, by picking up the slack and not being judgemental.

I rely heavily on my family as a formal support network; either by reminding me to remove the hoses from the outdoor taps for winter, supporting me in making large decisions like when to renew my mortgage, or directing me to other external resources. Much of the community and broader societal supports would not be accessible without this connection.

My parents and family have been very supportive in helping me make changes to my living space. If I had an idea, they could walk me through it. Or come and lend a hand to switch ceiling lights out. My mother also makes great lists of what needs to be done each season; creating those lists or knowing what needs to be done is a whole other chore on top of actually doing them.

Partners

My partner helped a lot! They mostly validated my feelings, provided feedback on strategies I was considering, and in some cases advocated for me/served as a buffer when I was feeling unsure about asking for help.

My partner did a lot of labour to make my dreams come true – I would have an idea and he would tell me if it was feasible, things to consider from a construction side, or he would organise people to come do the work. My partner was also great at giving permission to shed societal rules so I could make my home more neuroinclusive without guilt or hesitation.

Reflections for the future

The key part of what makes my home neuroinclusive is ownership of the space. I have never had a place I could truly unmask. If I rented a place, it wasn’t mine it was the landlords so I still felt compelled to act in the role of ‘tenant’ even when alone in the home; or ‘roommate’ or ‘child/family member’. It has been a very purposeful act of unlearning to make my home truly mine. I still struggle to unmask in my own home – I still have to put in cognitive effort to give myself that permission. It’s a really unusual thing to have something made exactly as imagined and the satisfaction of walking into a room and it being completely as you envisioned. There is so much compromise and misunderstanding as part of the Autistic experience; I will sit on my sofa and just smile looking at my kitchen. My home is the only place in the world made for me and designed to work with my authentic self; and any part that isn’t I get to change.

I’m grateful to have found housing that is semi-affordable (when in conjunction with another person). I’m grateful to live with someone who understands my needs and is sometimes able and willing to advocate for them with other neighbours

Buildings which don’t try to keep pets out are great! Companionship in all its forms is an important part of many peoples support systems, and I think can often be an overlooked aspect of neurodiverse housing! including having a system to manage conflicts, potential allergies etc.

Writing this, I’m reflecting a bit on how hopeless accessing appropriate and adequate housing can be – how much work it takes. How even after all the work I have put in that I’m still not always confident I can exist in my current space. How the onus of requesting those things or explaining things often is on the person who has needs – and then also how those needs are misinterpreted. More than once in having conversations with housemates or neighbours I’ve wished that they could just *experience* what things are like for me – to create empathy and understanding in particular. And I wish that the onus of this didn’t fall to the person impacted – who is often trying to have these conversations at a time they are impacted and activated. I’ve wished for entire houses and neighbourhoods for people with similar needs to relieve the pressure of trying to explain things and not feel crazy or like “too much”.

We would like to thank Lisa, Sameer, Taylor, and Trish from our Neurodivergent Advisory Group for sharing their perspectives and experiences.

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